Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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