we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize