even my farts smell like vagina
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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