Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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