I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
