Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
