it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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