What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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