i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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