Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
no, he came in my armpit
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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