So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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