I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
