pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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