how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
