I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
