Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
