there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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