so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I skipped work to stalk him.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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