your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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