I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize