This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
