All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
