I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
