HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize