the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
