I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize