No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
