Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
