So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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