i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
