You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
