I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well you can't waste a boner
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
