I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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