Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize