Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
