I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
