This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I love you. Go after that dick
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
