So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
