pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
