I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
