I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
