life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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