I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Randomize
