i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
