Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They are going to name an STD after you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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