We won't sleep together?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
