guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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