I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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