i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
