She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
