After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
