I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
