i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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