actually, I'm a sock model
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
