I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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