youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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