Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
