Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
