i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
