You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
