it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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