Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
