Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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