she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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