walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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