Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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