i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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