So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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