Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
