Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Everclear isn't food dammit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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