Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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