If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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