dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize