apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
