Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
