took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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