Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.

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(802): View more from Vermont

PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on

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(714): View more from California

I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.

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(205): View more from Alabama

You better have your party panties on Saturday!

(1-205): View more from Alabama

Why only Saturday?

(205): View more from Alabama

Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.

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(540): View more from Virginia

You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count

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(952): View more from Minnesota

The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward

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(406): View more from Montana

Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony

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