She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
