In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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