I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize