tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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