so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
