I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
