Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
