Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
