rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
