I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
