I wish I could punch you in the face.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
